I know I haven’t posted in a long time. There are a few factors at play. Chemo is really not much fun and kind of just feels like Groundhog’s Day with each round. It has also been harder than I expected. And with it now being summer, I am also trying my best to squeeze in family fun when I am up for it. Sadly I often pay the price, but we are continuing to create memories the best we can. I guess the last thing keeping me from posting is that every time my computer is out I am working on swim team stuff. Luckily we have kept the season on the rails and things are going swimmingly.
Today I had my final round of chemo. Now don’t go congratulating me too quickly; infusion day is not the hard part. That being said, I am still very happy to hit this milestone. I look forward to starting to feel better in a few weeks and not have another cycle ahead. Woohoo! Everyone’s experience is different, but this has been much harder on me that I expected. With each cycle, my symptoms increased and the length of time I felt poorly increased. I also started getting new symptoms like the burning inferno inside me that annoys me all day and keeps me up all night. I never experienced hot flashes before, so I am not sure if what I am experiencing is exactly the same or not, but these are not really “flashes”, just a constant fire. It does come in waves though. I feel sure I know plenty of women who can help shed light on this subject.
I am continuing to struggle with sleep but am getting more help on that front. I am going to talk to someone at the sleep clinic at Stanford, and I have a wellness coach that plans to make me meditate and do energy work on me - all new to me but I am willing to try anything, I think! Just today my oncologist was warning me that, knowing my personality, he thought that emotionally I probably still have a lot of the hard parts of dealing with everything ahead, which is another good reason to see the sleep specialist
My hair never totally fell out but more than enough did that shaving was definitely the right choice. I did manage to keep the majority of my eyebrows and eyelashes and my arm hairs won’t budge, but everything else is gone. Not having to shave anything is a total perk! Wig shopping was a trip, and we went to a few places and looked at many wigs that did not look like me at all! Finally, I found a great place in the city and have a beautiful, fancy new wig (need to post more photos this week to that page). I have loved wearing the wig out to meals and for special occasions, but honestly I am so hot that being bald is nice and cool. The transition with my hair has been funny. My pixie cut only lasted a week, which was sad because I looked just like my mom during that time and enjoyed the cut. I think I will possibly keep my hair short for a while once it starts growing back. Then I buzzed my head down to a 1 and now look just like my dad. Funny how copying both your biological parents’ haircuts can make you look just like them! I need to post some side by side photos.
I now have the longest down period since treatment started. I have 5 weeks until reconstructive surgery. Hopefully that gives my body more than enough time to heal. I also hope that this gives me more time to focus on the issues I am experiencing with my right arm. I am sadly having lots of flair ups. I have definitely not been diagnosed with lymphedema, but my arm hurts (aches and throbs) quite a bit and I am having to wear my compression sleeve a large portion of each day to keep things under control. Sadly, just writing this post I feel it aching a bit. I am talking to a number of my doctors and my new physical therapist as I figure out how to navigate. My PT specializes in lymphedema, and she has been a wealth of information. I see my original surgeon next week and I am interested to see if I can gain additional insight from her as well.
These past five months have been so intense on so many different levels. It is definitely not over, but I am so very grateful to so many who have made such a difference in big ways and small, and have shown so much love to our family. I feel truly blessed. I honestly feel I have the best group of doctors taking care of me. I know in my heart that those first few insane months as I navigated getting five different sets of opinions was worth it for me, my trust, and my peace of mind that I was in the best hands. I almost cried today when I realized I won’t see my oncologist for around 3 months. We have developed such a wonderful relationship and I truly trust him. No worries though, I have more appointments still on the calendar that I can even imagine! Then I will start the five weeks of daily radiation, so while I might miss him, I will see plenty of other amazing Stanford doctors.
On a more fun note, my big girls were very excited to end their full year of distance learning, and both did very well even though the second half of the year had lots of struggles with all the difficult family stuff. All three girls are very excited they will be in person next year! Halle is probably the most excited since we kept her out of preschool last year. All three girls are also on our local swim team and having a blast. Seeing little Halle at 4 years old swim at meets is the most adorable thing. And all the swimming keeps them quite active. A dear friend and professor I have had the honor to work with at Stanford introduced me to Camp Kesem, a wonderful non-profit described in their own words as “...a nationwide community, driven by passionate college student leaders, that supports children through and beyond their parent’s cancer. By offering innovative, fun-filled programs that foster a lasting community, we aim to ensure that every child impacted by a parent’s cancer is never alone.” Sadly, this year's camp was virtual and Emma, at least, was a little apprehensive of “more zoom meetings”, but both girls had a wonderful time and truly enjoyed their week of camp. Now they are extremely excited for next summer which will be in person! We have signed Halle up for intro dance/ballet classes that start in the fall and at least a few mornings a week she wants to know how many more sleeps until school and dance start. We are even kicking around the idea of rec soccer for Halle. So while we are enjoying the slower pass of summer (especially me as I recover) the girls are excited about the coming year as well.