I feel like I have been living in doctors’ appointments since the moment I received my diagnosis. I have always understood it is important to get more than one opinion. I understand that now more than ever. The bad news is everyone has a different opinion - some slight and some drastically different. As I mentioned in a previous post, we are still in the hunting and gathering phase to help ensure we believe we have enough information to make the best decision possible. All that being said, this process is exhausting mentally, emotionally, and physically. I literally wanted to collapse when I got home last night after being gone for 8 hours with appointments at Stanford. I was excited to finally meet a team within the Stanford Health Care organization and get what felt like a “real” second opinion. It definitely felt different. While I have loved many of the doctors I have met at PAMF, the level of care, information, research shared and discussed, and general detail about my type of cancer and particular case was amazing. I definitely left Stanford feeling very grateful for my dear friend and his connections that allowed these appointments to be expedited and take place.

There is always sunshine. I got to spend the day with one of those closest to me and one of the only friends I get to see on a regular basis. Aida and I had a delicious outdoor lunch, which is a huge treat since I can still count on one hand the number of times I have eaten out since last March. She is really good at turning lemons into lemonade, no matter the situation at hand. She had insisted on taking me up there and waiting around for me ALL DAY. I tried to make her go home a few times once I realized how late my last appointment was going to run. Naturally, she made me feel like I was doing her a favor.

I believe I mentioned this in a previous post but California has remained very much “sheltered in place” since last March. I know the situation is not the same for many friends and family in other parts of the country and world. Our family ultimately decided a small bubble was best for the social and emotional well-being of our children and selves. Are there times I have felt guilt for this decision? Sure. Are there days I am beyond grateful? Sure. Is it hard sharing this with many of my closest friends that are still listening to every local guideline? Of course. But in the end, I do not know how we would be functioning right now if this was not the path and decision we had made. Don’t get me wrong, my local friends that I am not seeing “in person” are still doing amazing, earth-moving things to help make my life work; this blog happen; personal items I know I will need in recovery are secured; the list is exhaustive. I have never felt more loved in my entire life. I know I sound like a broken record, but I am so overwhelmed and will forever be grateful. I cannot wait to figure out the ways I will “pay it forward” once I have time and strength on my side.

Another thing I want to note is my husband. Jeremy is allowed to attend very few of my appointments, the demands at his job are great right now, and he is trying to have things in place to take time off during my recovery, so please do not think - why wasn’t he with you? With him unable to attend in person, it is more effective to have him sitting comfortably at his desk attending appointments virtually where he can take notes and listen carefully than in the car waiting on me.